


You're My Present This Year

by geekmystic



Category: Folgers "Home for the Holidays" Commercial, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adopted Siblings, Childhood Trauma, Christmas, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Incest, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Modern AU, Self-Harm, Underage Drinking, Virgin Rey, Wet Dream, family arguments, references to a certain coffee commercial
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 17:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17430623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekmystic/pseuds/geekmystic
Summary: Rey convinces Ben, her older, adopted brother, to come home for Christmas. Ben hasn’t been home in over five years. He remembers his sister as a gangly child with a toothy grin. When he comes home, he finds a gorgeous young woman in her place. Complicated feelings emerge.





	1. Ben

**Author's Note:**

> A) I’m going to hell.
> 
> B) Please read the tags! The incest is consensual and between non-biological adult siblings but could still be bothersome to read about. There will also be mentions of other triggering things such as trauma, child abuse, violence, and self-harm. If something else needs tagged, let me know!
> 
> C) Many thanks to [evilgrrl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilgrrl/works) and [strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie/works) for beta'ing.

_ “Please come, Ben. For me?” _

“No. Rey. Come on, you know how I feel about this!”

_ “Uncle Luke is in West Africa this year. You won’t-” _

“I’ll have to hear about him,” Ben interjected. “Saint-fucking-Luke!”

_ “I understand, Ben,” _  Rey replied calmly. _ “I’m not a fan of his either. Last time I saw him, I punched him in the face. Mom was furious.” _

Ben checked out for a second at the news. He loved his little sister, but she was always sort of the golden child of the Organa-Solo household. Rey had a lot of the same issues he did, but his parents had been much more patient with her than they had been with him. On one hand, Ben and Rey could confide their darkest thoughts and secrets to each other without fear of judgment. On the other, Ben was jealous that Rey had the love and support that he had wanted so much growing up. Long ago, with the help of therapy and meds, Ben had given up being jealous of Rey. He reasoned that Rey deserved every bit of love she got and more. Ben would bend over backwards for her. It wasn’t her fault that their parents treated her differently.

At 29, Ben Solo was a mid-level accountant at a large consulting firm. After several stints in juvenile detention, Ben left home and supported himself through community college and then university. In the seven years since he graduated college, Ben had established a decent career, gotten his student loans paid off, and bought a home. All without any help from his parents. He hadn’t set foot in his home  _ state  _ for over five years. Family dinners often devolved into arguments. Uncle Luke’s face was enough to make him panic. Ben had a long standing prescription for Ativan because of his uncle.

_ “Ben? Are you still there?” _

Giving his head a vigorous shake, he picked the phone back up and replied, “Y-you defended me? Did they admit what happened?” Ben’s voice had become small, like a scolded child’s. All the arguments and fights they had came down to Luke’s story versus Ben’s story. Luke’s version always won the argument. Always.

_ “I didn’t just defend you. I confronted him. Ben, I’m so sorry he did that to you. Luke admitted what happened. Mom was angry with me until Luke fessed up. I guess...I guess that’s why I really, really want to see you this year. I think Mom and Dad are finally ready to listen. I just want us to be a family.” _

“Rey,” he breathed. “I-I’ll have to think about it. I have to go to bed, little wildflower. Uh...thank you. For everything.”

_ “You’re not alone, Ben.” _

“Neither are you. Goodnight.”

_ “Goodnight.” _

He swallowed a tablet of Ativan and chased it with a glass of water. Just like every night since he was 10 years old, he chased away images of his uncle’s prized katana held perilously close to his throat in a tent in the backwoods of the Ozarks. Tonight, however, he imagined a different picture. Rey, as the 19 year old woman she was now, waking up next to him, and taking Luke out before he can raise the sword.

Ben woke to silence the next morning. Blearily, he picked up his phone and saw he still had an hour until his alarm went off. Groaning, he dropped the phone in his lap and rubbed his palms against his eyes as he slowly became aware of his body. Specifically, Ben became aware of the fact that he actually felt wide awake and well-rested. The tension in his shoulders was dramatically lessened. Setting his feet on the carpet, he didn’t feel his knees creak and grind like he had become used to in the last year or so.  

Walking over to his closet, Ben mulled over his conversation the night before and the dream he’d had. His stomach lurched. It had seemed so normal, so  _ right _ to be cuddled up next to his sister, her arms wrapped around his wide torso, clinging to him like a lifeline. Ben searched his memory of the dream and saw an image of Rey, now a woman, in a silvery nightgown that barely covered her ass. Like her name suggested, Rey was cast in a soft light as she rose from their shared makeshift bed, wrenched the sword from Uncle Luke’s hand, and ran him through.

Bile began to rise in Ben’s throat, which sent him running to the bathroom. It wasn’t the image of Luke coughing up blood or bleeding out that troubled him, but the image of Rey: fully grown, wearing almost nothing. He shouldn’t be aroused by the thought, but the blood rushing to his groin said otherwise. Ben’s animal brain brought up the sensations of her arms tight around him and her leg threaded between his. Something akin to a craving was rising, and Ben was quick to tamp it down.  _ Fucking Christ. She’s your sister! Get it together! _

After a shower and a shave, Ben dressed, made sure his work materials were in order, and located his wallet and keys. He fired off a voicemail to his therapist about changing medication, thinking that perhaps the Ativan had triggered the upsetting dream. Looking at the clock, Ben realized that he was still an hour ahead of schedule, and opted to take his breakfast at the nearby diner before heading on to work.

* * *

At the office, Ben hammered away at different accounts with a singular focus. Even Mr. Snoke, his supervisor, seemed impressed with the amount of reports being sent his way for approval. The holidays always put Ben in a slump, but he always caught up after the New Year, so he was never seriously reprimanded for it. However, today was an outlier. Ben mused that he might even be able to take an extra day off around Christmas if he kept this up.

_ Christmas...Shit! _ And with that, everything came flooding back. With a glance at the lower right corner of his computer screen, Ben was relieved to find that it was nearly time to go home and he had honestly gotten a head start on tomorrow’s tasks.  _ Just finish this one report and I can probably sneak out a few minutes early. _ The only interruption to his day had been a phone call from his therapist wanting to set up an early appointment to discuss his medication. Putting the finishing touches on the latest numbers, Ben saw that it was 4:45.  _ Close enough _ , he surmised. He took his time clearing his workspace and packing up his things, trying to stretch the minutes until 5pm. As quietly as his large frame would carry him, he crept out of the office, past Snoke’s office and toward the elevator. As the doors safely shut, his phone let out a loud ding. Fishing it out of his pocket, the first thing he saw was Rey’s name attached to a text message alert.

Swiping his lock code, the text appeared before him.  _ So...have you thought about it? ;) _ Despite their tense conversation last night, her impatience made him smile. A text like that from anyone else would have irritated him, but his little sister had long ago worked her way around his glacial heart.

_ I have an early appointment with Dr. Phasma next Tuesday to discuss my meds. I’ll talk to her about it. I won’t make any promises. _

_ *Sigh* Ok, Ben. Just promise to really talk it out with her? I miss you. I haven’t seen you in the flesh since I was thirteen. _

_ I will. For you, I will. _

Ben sighed as he put away his phone. The elevator opened up to the ground floor, and he sauntered out the front door to wait for his Uber. He tried to remember the last time he had seen his little sister. It was Independance Day weekend, and Ben had been goaded about coming home for the traditional BBQ and fireworks show. Another holiday. Another screaming match. Ben tried to go inside for the fireworks and his mother wasn’t having it. Uncle Luke was in charge of the small explosives and Ben’s mind went in a thousand different directions. However, he couldn’t just tell his mother that he didn’t feel safe around Luke. That never ended well. So Ben tried to feign illness, fatigue, past due work, everything. Once again, he felt his mother’s disappointment.

Throwing those images aside, Ben tried to remember what Rey looked like. She was a typical thirteen-almost fourteen-year old tomboy. She loved to tinker in the shop with their dad. In school, she was the captain of her eighth grade basketball team, and the highest ranking math student. The last time he’d seen her, she’d been wearing Bermuda shorts and a Star Trek t-shirt. She was taller than the rest of the girls her age with long, gangly limbs, and knobby knees and elbows. Her hair was a mess of curls barely contained in three buns, and her face still contained some baby fat. That was the image he always thought of when he spoke to her on the phone or texted her. His dream was the first time that he had ever thought about her as a full-grown woman.

The Uber whisked Ben away to his apartment, where he had a small dinner, watched a movie, and went to bed. For the first time in years, Ben had a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Tuesday arrived in a swift manner. Instead of the office, Ben called an Uber to take him to his therapist appointment. Dr. Gwen Phasma had been his therapist since he started working in the city. She came with excellent recommendations, and was quite affordable. Over the years, she had worked with Ben on anger management, depression, anxiety, and sensory processing. However, today, he wasn’t particularly looking forward to hearing her thoughts about his incestuous dreams. After the first, he’d had two more. Never overtly sexual, but not platonic either. Ben obviously worried that this would be the tipping point. There was always a tipping point with people and Ben always seemed to trigger it. Well, everyone except Rey.

In quick succession, Ben arrived at the office and was ushered in by the receptionist. The therapist greeted him with a cheerful, “Ben! Good morning!”

“Hello, Gwen,” Ben greeted her quietly.

“Well, sit! I’m curious as to why you want to change your meds? You’ve been taking Ativan for five years now and never had a complaint.”

Ben spied the leather recliners that sat facing each other in the middle of the room. He took his usual seat and Gwen took the other.

Rubbing his knees, he began, “I’ve been having dreams. Well, I only had one when I called, but I’ve had a couple more. They’re...disturbing.”

“I see. So, you’ve been having night terrors. Are they different from the ones you've experienced before? Of your uncle and his sword?”

Leaning back in the chair, he replied, “Well, no. It’s still the same incident, but now my sister is there. And well…” Ben closed his eyes and exhaled. His heart started beating and shame pooled in his gut.

“Ben? Does your uncle go after your sister in these new dreams?”

With a shaky breath, Ben replied, “No. She...she kills him. She wrestles the sword from his hands and runs him through.”

Gwen leaned back in her seat and clasped her hands in her lap. “Gruesome. However, that seems like an upgrade, in all honesty. Why does it trouble you?”

Staring at the floor between them, Ben told the whole story. “Because Rey is sleeping with me in the dream. We wake up together, and she’s wrapped around me. But not like a sister, like a lover.”

“I see. So you had a sexual dream about your sister.”

Ben’s eyes snapped up to meet Gwen’s. In a defensive tone, he replied, “Not exactly. I’m in sleep pants and she’s in a nightgown with nothing on underneath. It’s just the way we were laying together. One of her legs between mine, a hand on my heart. It wasn’t a sibling cuddle or a sibling hug.”

“Hmm...and you think this was triggered by your medication. Meds you have been taking for five years. I have to say, Ben, medications don’t normally work that way.”

“No, no, it has to have triggered something.”  Ben’s hand swept his hair back and lightly scratched his scalp.  “I’ve never- _ ever _ -had sexual thoughts about my sister.  She’s amazing, and smart, and pretty, but she’ll always be a kid to me. She only just turned 19 in September.”

Gwen smiled softly. “I believe you, Ben. You've never given me cause to believe you would assault your sister.” Ben shivered at the thought, but was also relieved that Gwen didn't jump to the worst case scenario. She then asked, “When was the last time you talked to her?”

“Well, other than text messages, it was right before I had the first dream.”

The woman rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Ben?” After taking a deep breath, she asked, “Okay, what did you talk about?”

Ben reflected for a moment. “She wants me to come home for Christmas. I haven't seen her in person since she was nearly fourteen, even though we talk several times a week. Rey told me she confronted our uncle about what he did to me and punched him in the face.”

Eyebrow raised, Gwen asked, “And you don't think that triggered the dream? Instead, you want to blame your meds?”

“What are you saying?” Ben's hands clutched the corners of the armrests, knuckles turning white. “I just told you that I don't want to fuck my sister!”

“Listen to me.” Gwen leaned forward and caught his eyes. “I honestly think your dreams are a natural reaction to this bit of news from your sister.”

“How in the fuck is this natural?” Ben spat.

“Rey stood up for you, and that makes you feel good. It makes her feel close to you. Closer than your parents or anyone else currently in your life. Is that not true?”

“Well, yeah.” Ben's two exes briefly flashed in his mind. Rachel in college, and Judith from his second and third year at the firm. Both women ended up moving away to pursue different ambitions. He was currently single.

“Exactly. Your subconscious expressed that as an image of physical closeness. But even then, your subconscious held up a barrier. You were both still clothed. You weren't sexually intimate with her in the dream.”

“But it's still fucking weird.”

Dr. Phasma nodded. “Well, I certainly wouldn't post it on Facebook. But I also don't think this makes you a deviant.”

Ben felt tension easing from his shoulders. “I guess...that makes sense. S-should I go home for Christmas? Do you think my parents will be willing to listen to me now?”

“You know I can't answer that, Ben. I think you  _ do _ want to see your sister. You just have to ask yourself if you want to put up with all that could entail.”

“Yeah...yeah, I  _ do _ want to see her. And I think it  _ would _ be worth putting up with my parents.”

“Alright, then. Now,” Gwen started as she leaned back into her seat. “If you really want to try a new med, we can do that. But I don't think there's any clinical reason to do so.”

“No. I guess there isn't,” Ben admitted.

Clapping her hands together, she replied, “Great! Now, how is work treating you?”

The rest of the session contained relatively boring details of his work life. Snoke is an ass. His work is tedious and not very challenging, which can up his anxiety, but he's coping. At the end, Ben was certainly feeling much calmer than when he went in.

As he walked out of the office, Ben checked his phone. Up top were a couple work emails that he summarily dismissed. Under those were a couple of personal emails which were quickly deleted. Finally, he saw three texts from Rey, and all three were the same.

_ Did you think about it? _

_ Did you think about it? _

_ Did you think about it? _

A smile formed on his lips at the seeming urgency of her plea. He quickly responded.  _ Yes. I'll come home for Christmas. _

Almost instantly, his phone rang with Rey's special ring tone: “Shut Up And Dance.” Ben sighed and thought,  _ I'm going to have to change that. _ A song about predestined lovers was not going to help his dream situation. He had chosen it because it was Rey's favorite song, and definitely not because of any meaning behind it. Clicking the accept button, Ben greeted his sister with, “Hello, Rey.”

_ “Ben! Oh, my god, I can't believe it! Wait. Am I dreaming? Did you actually say you'd come home for Christmas?!” _

“Yes, Rey, I really said that.” Ben chuckled softly as he made his way to the front door.

_ “Ben, I-Well, it's…” _  Rey fell silent. Ben could faintly hear a choked gasp on his end.

“Rey? Are you crying? Please don't cry,” he pleaded. An unholy anger rose up whenever he heard her cry. Thankfully, it was a rare occasion. Although, one time, he’d had his credit card in hand, ready to fly home, and murder some miscreant who had been harassing her. However, Rey had talked him down.

_ “I'm just...happy. We'll all be together for Christmas. And maybe, just maybe, we can clear the air.” _

“I can't make any promises, Rey. I really just want to see my sister. Avoiding our parents hasn't been fair to you.”

Rey sighed.  _ “I'll be honest. It really  _ isn't _ fair. But, hey, we talk all the time. We stalk each other's Facebooks. We send each other memes. I think we're doing pretty good.” _ She ended her statement with a chuckle abbreviated with a sniffle.

“I'm glad, Rey. I think we're doing good too.”

_ “Good. Well, I'm late for physics, so I better go. Bye!” _

A red Uber pulled up right then, so Ben said a quick, “Bye,” as well. He made a mental note to playfully scold her later.

* * *

Over the next three weeks, Ben worked tirelessly at his job, which served to keep Mr. Snoke pleased, and even got him an extra day off for Christmas. The troubling dreams never went away. They were always the same. Rey’s lithe, but heated form draped over him in slumber, ready to pounce at the slightest threat. He could vividly recall her form as she skewered Uncle Luke with his own katana. Her silk nightgown barely covered her ass as her toned thighs and arms worked to save him. Today, he woke up painfully aroused from the visage. Ben wanted to vomit at his body’s betrayal. Her non-biological status didn’t matter to him, Rey was still his sister, and it was unnatural. Unfortunately, Gwen didn’t have another opening until after the New Year, so he was left to deal with his urges alone.

With a resigned growl, Ben picked up his phone from the nightstand, and pulled up Pornhub.  He had no shame in admitting he liked things a bit rough and happily selected a video of a woman bent over a chair in an otherwise normal kitchen. With a bit of spittle in his hand, he set to work letting the woman's groans and moans wash over him. He fixated on the motion of the brunette woman's breasts as they swayed back and forth. Ben could see himself gripping the woman's waist and driving into her. He was definitely not grabbing Rey’s waist or pulling her chestnut hair in his imaginings. Nope. Just a random woman on Pornhub.

_ Maybe I should download Tinder again? _ But he quickly pushed that thought away. Ben never quite understood the rampant and random sexual encounters people seemed to enjoy. It was always...one-dimensional to him. Barely a step up from a good wank. His cock twitched in his hands and Ben once again focused on the woman in the video. Ben tried to imagine tight, velvety heat gripping his cock instead of his hand. The woman was no longer completely nude in his mind, but had a silver nightgown pushed up to her shoulders. His cock erupted in his hand before he could stop the image. Ben tried to console himself.  _ Fuck my life. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t Rey. I wouldn’t do that to her. _


	2. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter describes SELF-HARM in some detail. That passage is marked with **********TW********** and ends with another row of asterisks.
> 
> Also, don't be afraid to ask me to tag something. I'm an old and sometimes forget. (Ok, 32 is not old but yeah...)

The last time Rey Solo had seen her brother, Ben, in the flesh, was the summer of 2013.  Ben had come home for Independence Day. As usual, it was a disaster. Before that fateful day, she wasn’t quite sure where all the bad blood came from. Rey knew that Ben was mad at Uncle Luke for some reason. She knew Ben had been lost in the woods while in his care, but not much more than that. At 13, just barely out of the innocence of childhood, but still very naive, she was beginning to understand that something was terribly, deeply wrong. 

Recalling that day, Rey can see herself marching into the house after Ben, who had laid down on the couch with a book that she could tell he wasn’t really reading. He had refused to stay outside for Luke’s fireworks show, and she wanted to know why. Ben would only say, “I’ll tell you when you’re older, kid.”

In a huff, Rey reminded Ben that, “I’m not a kid. I’m a teenager. Doesn’t that count for anything?” His mouth opened, then closed, and his jaw became tense. Rey could tell he wanted to say, “No.” His silence, however, gave Rey hope that she could get it out of him. “Just...why are you mad at Uncle Luke?”

Ben sat up, and seemed to study her for a second or two. “You know that scar on your right arm?”

Rey’s stomach turned. Her classmates had made fun of her scar on occasion. Per her mother’s instruction, she always lied and said it was a birthmark. “Yeah. They said you hurt me when I was a baby.”

“You know I would never hurt you  _ ever  _ again, right? You can trust me, right?” Ben pleaded with her. His need to have someone, anyone, trust him blossomed in Rey’s teenage mind. It felt as though she were being handed a crystal chalice with the elixir of life.

Sitting on the coffee table in front of Ben, Rey assured him, “I do trust you. You’re not a bad guy. Just sad a lot. I wish I could do something to cheer you up.” She patted his knee and smiled.

Ben grinned back. “Don’t worry about me, little wildflower. I do just fine on my own. You’ve got it made here. I don’t want to ruin that by getting you mixed up in my bullshit.” The nickname was new. Nobody had ever given her a nickname before. Rey found that she liked it. There were several patches that grew on their property. Han had told her that the seeds are blown about on the wind and bloom where they land. That did sound like her. Leia had been on a tour of a hospital as part of her Senate campaign when she found Rey. The story goes that Leia’s heart just stopped at seeing the starved and dehydrated infant in the NICU. Leia used her connections to secure Rey’s adoption within the month, and Rey was released from the hospital into the arms of her new family.

Rey didn’t get much more out of him that day except that “Luke did something bad and I ran away.” They spent the night playing board games and card games. Ben started to smile for the first time during his entire stay.

The next morning was different. Leia had accused Ben of stealing Rey away from the family celebration. Rey tried to intervene to no avail. It wasn’t fair. The games, fizzy lemonade, and ice cream were  _ her _ idea, not Ben’s. Ben had even tried to get her to go back outside after every round, but she found she preferred Ben’s company. Something shifted in Rey that day. She didn’t necessarily lose trust in her family, but she did learn to question their perspective on Ben.

**********TW**********

They didn’t talk much until a couple of years later. In her junior year of high school, Rey had started harming herself. She had a habit of scratching and digging her nails into her skin when feeling irritated, angry, panicked. It escalated the day she cut herself shaving her legs. Rey had never made a habit of shaving but she was going on her first date. The blade sliced into her shin on an upstroke. The burn, the pain, the trickle of blood seemed to soothe something inside her, rather than cause alarm. Rey had never been a happy child, but as she drew near to senior year and graduation with all its questions, pressure built up within her. She was being pulled in several directions by her parents, teachers, and friends. It all made her want to scream. She didn’t know who to talk to, or even what she would say if she did. Everybody seemed to have the perfect plan for her, but every one of them rubbed her raw like sandpaper.

Razor knicks became box cutters stowed away in dark corners. There were plenty of those in her dad’s shop. Rey opted for longer sleeves over tank tops and tees. If anyone saw the lines etched in her skin, she would say something along the lines of, “I got in a fight with a radiator in my dad’s garage.” If anybody suspected, they didn’t say anything. She had certainly been dinged up enough working in the shop over the last couple of years for new cuts and scabs to not raise suspicion.

The impulse quickly consumed her. Soon, Rey needed more and more cuts to feel the same release. Until one day, she made a cut that was a bit too deep. The cut bled...and bled...and bled and Rey started to panic. She didn’t cut to kill herself. Rey cut for the release, so she could face another day. But what could she do? The thought of her parents finding out was almost as terrifying as possibly dying. Her parents expected her to be strong and work through her problems. However, she knew she needed to talk to someone. Rey went through a mental list of people. At the end of the list was Ben and Rey had a lightbulb moment. She knew more of the story now. Ben had seen some shit. Also, Ben had begged for her trust that one summer day. Rey decided to test him.

Ben picked up after a couple of rings. “Hey, kid, what’s up?” He sounded nervous, as if waiting for a scolding.

“Ben, I think...I think I’m in trouble.”

Her brother helped her dress her cut from over the phone. Not once did he scold her or make her feel terrible. Ben was adamant that she get into therapy and tell their parents which surprised her. He had told her, “It’s no secret they treat me differently than you. They’ll help you. I...I don’t want to get a different kind of call later on.”

From then on, Rey called Ben about many different things. Calling Ben was something she could focus on instead of the urge to cut. Over time, he opened up more about himself and Rey found that she could help him through his bad times. They soon found that they had a lot in common such as being introverted which never sat well with their mother. Ben and Rey liked math and video games. They liked to work out and play basketball. Rey found Ben’s job equally fascinating and boring just as Ben did.

**********End TW**********

As Rey was getting closer to Ben, Finn was getting closer to Rose. Rose had moved to town in their freshman year and they were immediately taken with each other. It wasn’t until they had junior prom in their sights that they bit the bullet and declared their feelings for each other. Their little group was complete the summer before freshman year of college when they met Poe Dameron. Poe was a few years older than them, having not started college until after he was discharged from the Marines. 

Poe was immediately enamored with Rey. His crush on her was probably why he stuck around a bunch of 18-19 year olds who weren’t old enough to drink with him. Although that didn’t stop him from supplying his little group with beer and wine now and then. Rey had to admit that Poe was attractive. He was older with olive skin, curly black hair, and facial scruff. The latter he kept as a sort of FU to the Marines. On the other hand, he was arrogant and cocky. He said things without thinking. Some of his jokes had too much of an edge.

Still, Rey had given him a shot, a couple of them actually. The first time they kissed had been after a group dinner. They stayed outside while Finn and Rose went inside Poe’s apartment. He twirled her in a dance to imaginary music and politely asked if he could kiss her to which she consented. The chaste kiss had been...nice. Poe didn’t push for a deeper kiss, let alone anything more intimate. 

They didn’t kiss again until a couple of weeks later. After watching the latest space opera at the theater, Poe bought them some Bud Light and Smirnoff. Rey reasoned that Poe must have been buzzed that night. While he asked to kiss her again and waited for her to say yes, he didn’t ask to put his hand under her shirt. She wasn’t ready for that, not with him. Poe muttered his apologies and the night went on. The third time had been sometime between Halloween and Thanksgiving. Poe had officially asked her out on a date, a time for just the two of them. He took her to a nice restaurant and then they went to a planetarium show. In all, Rey had been having a good time. 

After the show, they took a stroll on the boardwalk. Again, Poe asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Rey’s stomach flipped which she wrote off as nervousness. Poe is attractive. Why wouldn’t see want to kiss him? Smiling, she replied, “Yes.” However, as he moved in, his arms came around her waist and held her tight and flush with his body. Instead of feeling intimate, Rey just felt invaded, bordering on scared. His tongue licked at her lower lip which caused Rey’s stomach to lurch again. Turning her head, Rey brought her arms up to his shoulders to push him away.

“What’s the matter?” Poe asked with just a hint of anger.

“It’s too much,” Rey admitted, not quite willing to look at him. For some reason, she felt ashamed of pulling away, but she knew she didn’t want to continue.

“Rey. It’s just a kiss.” Irritation seeped through his tone.

Poking a finger in his chest, she rose her voice. “Don’t talk to me like that! You were aiming for something more and you know it!” Shame was turning to anger. She didn’t owe Poe anything.

Now, Poe was fully angry. “Like what, Rey?! We’re out in public!” He stepped back to wave his arms around at the scenery. While it was late, there will still plenty of people on the boardwalk.

Shaking her head, Rey replied, “I don’t know. Okay? Just...take me home.”

That was the one thing they could agree on. Neither said a word until Poe pulled into her family’s driveway. That is, until Poe slammed his foot firmly in his mouth. “You know you’re going to have to get rid of your hangups sometime, right? Or do you plan on being a virgin forever?” Rey backhanded him and they never spoke of that night again.

For a lot of reasons, Rey hadn’t told Ben this latest bit of news. He had nearly flown home when some asshat started harassing her during senior year. Ben would be murderous if he knew about Poe. However, Rey had another matter to discuss with Ben. She had been sitting on the news of her assault on Uncle Luke for several months. Luke had come to visit in late July, and had intended to stay until early September, but left a month early after being escorted off the property by her father, Han.

It had been a blistering summer day when Rey decided to go fishing with Luke. Fishing always relaxed Rey. She had a talent for finding the biggest catch. Over the years, she learned about the different lures and baits, as well as what type of environment to look for. Sometimes, she thought Luke became jealous of her talent, but he never failed to bring her along.

This particular day, however, Rey had an ulterior motive. For several years, she had listened to Ben tell the story of finding Uncle Luke standing over him with a katana at his throat. She had even comforted him through panic attacks over the phone. In turn, Ben had helped her through her urge to cut and scratch herself many times. They encouraged each other to stay on their meds and go to therapy. After years of this, Rey had to know the truth. Was Ben hallucinating that night? Or did Luke really threaten him with a sword?

The facts, as Rey knew them, were that Ben had hurt her as a baby. The one scar that Rey did not give herself was the one located on her upper right arm. This scar appeared to be two branches reaching out for each other. Over the years, it had dulled to a set of silvery-pink lines. Ben was ten years old at the time he made the cut into her flesh. Rey was seven months old, and had only been part of the Organa-Solo household for a month. As such, Rey had no memory of the incident.

For his crime, Ben was sent away to their uncle, who had been camping in the Ozarks with several grad students, doing research on the different flora that grew wild. He was there for about six weeks, until they got the call that Ben had run away. After a few days lost in the forest, he was found, starved and trembling, and returned home. However, the story since then had been one versus the other. Luke maintained that Ben simply didn't like the rough and natural lifestyle, so he ran away. His story was complete with previous acts of disobedience. Ben told a much darker story.

After counseling Ben through one particularly rough night, Rey confronted Uncle Luke.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Hmm, yes. What is it?” Luke was momentarily distracted by the slippery chicken liver in his hand as he tried to anchor it on his hook.

“Well, I know that Ben was sent away when I was a baby because he hurt me.” She absently touched the location of the scar on right arm. “But did he really just run away? He still has nightmares about it.”

Luke sighed as he cast out. Setting down his fishing pole in its holder, he sighed.  “Rey, come on now. He was lost for several days, and probably saw many things he wants to forget.”

“But he never talks about being lost in the woods. All he sees when he lays down at night is you and your sword. What he tells me is that he had learned enough skills from you to find fresh water and what was safe to eat. He should have died of dehydration in the time that he was lost, especially at 10 years old, but he didn’t. And I looked at a map; he was heading toward civilization. He knew what he was doing.”

“What are you trying to say, child?” There was a dark edge in his voice that bit on the word “child” which told Rey that she was hitting a nerve.

“I’m saying that I’m tired of everybody dismissing Ben. No one has panic attacks over something they made up.”

“Why are you bringing this up? That was over 18 years ago, Rey. It’s ancient history!” Luke picked up his fishing pole and started reeling it back in, clearly done with the sport for the day.

“Why?!” Rey raged. “Because a 29 year old man needs his little sister to calm him down enough to sleep! That’s why!”

Luke growled and turned on her, “Well, maybe he shouldn’t have hurt a defenseless little baby! What kind of psychopath does that?!”

Blind with rage, Rey swung at her uncle. Her right fist connected with Luke’s jaw, and he crumpled to the ground, his fishing pole skittering away from him. “Tell me the truth! Did you try to murder him?!”

Her uncle’s hands came up to protect his face. With a resigned tone, Luke confessed, “I was drunk! And I was angry. He hurt you, and seemed to have little remorse for it. I had the sword aimed at his throat, but he woke up as I was pulling it away. I wasn’t going to do it!”

Rey backed away from Luke as if he were a dangerous predator. When she gained sufficient distance from him, Rey ran back home. Her youth and fitness meant that she would easily beat Luke back to the house. Once in the kitchen, Rey howled for her mother. Rey had always believed Ben, but now the truth was out in the open. Leia listened quietly as she bandaged Rey’s hand. Quiet fury wrote itself into Leia’s face as Rey spoke.

Later that night, Rey’s father escorted Luke to the guest house to pack his things. Han drove him to the nearby airport, and Rey never heard anything more about it. For the next few months, Rey worried about how to tell Ben. The news would either calm him or panic him, and Rey couldn’t be sure what would happen. However, after her disastrous date with Poe as well as the Thanksgiving holiday, Rey realized she had a need to see her brother. It was one thing to talk to him on the phone, but she earnestly desired to see him in person, to know that he was safe. Rey laid awake at night sometimes wishing he were there. When word came that Luke would be overseas over the holiday, Rey took that as her cue to invite Ben over.

Over the three weeks between her initial invite and Christmas, Rey’s fantasies had taken a strange turn. Poe was certainly out of the picture in that department. As a virgin, she liked to focus on sensation. She wondered what it would feel like to be stretched open by her partner, and what it would feel like as he moved in and out of her. She wanted to feel his breath on her face, neck, and shoulders. Hands gliding over and gripping her breasts and hips. Lips pressed against her pulse point, or sucking and grazing his teeth on her nipples. Over the last few weeks, he became more defined. Long, pale face, large hands, broad back, and black hair.  _ Hangups! _ Rey thought to herself often.  _ Poe, if you only knew some of the shit I look up to get off. _ Rey wanted to feel possessed by her partner. This new figure in her imagination always growled in her ear, “Mine.”

Rey entertained this fantasy until a week before Christmas. That is, until she stumbled onto Ben’s Facebook profile. His profile picture was a couple years old, and featured Ben and his then-girlfriend, Judith. He was shirtless with board shorts, standing with a swimsuit-clad woman. Ben didn't often take pictures and, if he did, they weren't of himself, so this was the most recent one. As Rey stared at Ben's broad, toned chest, warmth began to pool in her gut. Another picture showed Ben clutching a beach ball with one large hand and long fingers. Rey hastily pushed the laptop away from her as she felt moisture gather in her core.

_ Not happening. Not happening. Not happening. _ Rey repeated the mantra to herself while willing the heat in her thighs to abate. She remembered Ben being a thin man with short, black hair and not a marble statue with long, black locks.  _ Not happening!  But also...when did  _ that _ happen? _ Rey reasoned that she had definitely seen that picture before and others like it. Her mind just hadn’t put the face to the body in her fantasies. She resolved to abstain from touching herself until further notice.

The week before Christmas, Rey busied herself decorating the house. Holiday decorations had been her sworn duty for several years now. Sadness pricked at her heart at the thought that perhaps Han and Leia just couldn’t get in the holiday spirit anymore and, as such, left the decorating to her. Occasionally, her father would come out and help her but, for the most part, Christmas was her time. Rey might have dropped the routine altogether this year if it wasn’t for Ben coming home. His coming home meant every ornament, garland, and string of lights in storage came out and packed the tree. The moldings and bannisters were covered in holly and ivy. Little santas, elves, and angels were placed conspicuously around the house.

On Christmas Eve, Rey stayed up late to bake gingerbread men (Ben’s favorite), sugar cookies, and several pies. Rey and her mother complemented each other in that way: Leia was a phenomenal cook, but Rey was an excellent baker. It was well past midnight when Rey put the final touches on her desserts. She made one last trek through the house, adjusting this and that decoration.


	3. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben arrives at his old stomping grounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to my betas [forestelf86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestelf86/) and [evilgrrl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilgrrl/).

_ “Don’t you dare look back. Just keep your eyes on me,” _ erupted out of Rey's phone the next morning. After several seconds of blindly plodding her hand around her nightstand, Rey located her phone, swiped left, and shut the offensive noise off. Several seconds after that, Rey remembered that she didn't set an alarm, and, even if she did, she never used that song to wake up. “Oh shit!” Her eyes flew open and her hands went straight to her phone. She groaned at the two missed calls from Ben, and promptly called him back.

Ben answered on the first ring.  _ “Hey, wildflower. I’m a mile away.” _

“Jesus, Ben, it’s only-” Rey checked her phone. “It’s barely 6:45.” She hoped she didn’t sound irritated. Since the semester finished, Rey had enjoyed her sleepy mornings.

_ “Oh.” _ Ben sounded a bit disappointed.  _ “Um, I just thought, well...we used to get started really early on Christmas.” _

Barely containing her sadness, Rey replied, “Not since we were kids, Ben. In the last couple of years, we haven’t even had a full turkey dinner. Mom is going to make chicken and noodles. I made some cookies and pies for you. Gingerbread men and mince meat pie.”

Rey heard chuckling before Ben replied, “ _ God, thank you. I haven’t had either for years. Well, hey, I guess I’ll go back by the hotel if nobody’s up. _ ”

“Wait. No!” Rey quickly countered. “I’ll make some coffee. We can chat before Mom and Dad wake up.”

Taking a few seconds to think it over, he replied,  _ “Sure. I’d like that.” _

“Alright, Ben, see you in a bit.”

A harried sprint to the kitchen later, and Rey had coffee going as well as a plate of gingerbread cookies out. As she pulled out two mugs from the cabinet, she got a text from Ben that simply read, “Here.” Her stomach dropped and a squeal spilled from her mouth before she could reign it in. Another harried sprint brought her to the front door just as Ben was getting ready to knock.

The sight on the other side of that door took her breath away. The picture from a few years ago was clearly out of date. Just as Ben had filled out in between his teenage years and his Facebook picture, he had filled out even more in the couple years since. Ben stood before her wearing all black. Black coat, black sweater, black jeans, and black sneakers with a black backpack slung over his shoulder. He stood with his mouth open for a second before looking at Rey and then at the house number. With a twinkle in his eye, he said, “Uh...I must have the wrong house.”

Rey blinked once...twice...before she came back to the moment. Taking in a breath of cold air, she quipped, “Don’t be an ass. Come in.” Ben smiled and followed her inside. He quickly shucked his coat and hung it up by the door. As they made their way to the kitchen, Rey felt his eyes on her. She hadn’t paid much attention to what she was wearing before but now she felt immodest. In high school, Rey had tried, and failed, to get leggings off the prohibited items list in the dress code. Apparently, Rey wasn’t as politically minded as her mother. Leggings were life though. Rey had gone to bed, and woken up in, a pair of black leggings and a gray raglan tee with red sleeves. It was an old high school shirt with a faded logo. The shirt barely covered her ass as she had grown a few inches since she bought the shirt as a junior.

In the kitchen, the coffee had finished brewing. Rey filled up a mug and handed it to Ben before filling her own mug. “I didn’t realize you were a coffee drinker,” Ben stated.

“Only before 8am,” Rey retorted with a slight scowl.

Suddenly, Ben was crowding her into the corner of the breakfast nook. Heat, as well as shame, flooded her. His proximity taking her breath away. He bent down to look into her eyes and, to her surprise, bopped her nose with a finger. “Hey, kid, don’t be an ass.

Forcing a laugh, Rey looked away, saying, “Ugh, back up, your breath stinks.” She placed a hand on his chest to push him away, totally not thinking about how solid he was under that sweater. When she looked up, Rey saw a light flush that hadn’t been there just a moment ago.  _ I’m going to file that away for later, _ Rey told herself.

“My breath does  _ not _ stink,” Ben gasped in mock horror.   
  
“You smell like you’ve been making out with a goat,” Rey shot back, only keeping a straight face for half a second before devolving into laughter. Ben’s laughter followed quickly. Rey looked up to see a brilliant smile on his face. His slightly crooked teeth and wide grin made him look like a teenager. Heat pooled in her gut then. Rey shook her head and coughed to dispel whatever thoughts her libido was trying to pull together.

“Right,” Ben mirrored Rey by shaking his head too. “So, I  _ did  _ get you something. It’s not much but I think it suits you.” Ben hefted his bag to his front and set it on the counter. Setting her coffee down, Rey hopped up on the counter beside his bag. Ben reached in and pulled out a square, black box with silver stripes and a red bow on top.

“You really didn’t have to get me anything. I didn’t get you anything. I’ve had to put everything into my car.” Her car was the old Ford Falcon her father drove as a young adult. Han gave it to her on the condition that she pay for  _ everything _ . On one hand, Rey knew the car inside and out. On the other, the car needed a lot of work. She basically worked at the shop for free now.

Ben leaned on the counter beside her. “It’s alright, Rey. This was just something I saw at the airport. Go on, open it.”

Rey looked down at the box in her hands and plucked the big, red bow off the top. She turned to face Ben and stuck it to his shirt. The corners of his mouth turned up but his eyes were questioning. Rey nudged his shoulder with hers and explained, “You’re my present this year.”

“That sounds like a Hallmark card,” Ben quipped. Rey was blushing now but she could see a similar flush on his face as well as a smirk.

“Fuck. It does, doesn’t it?” Rey gazed up at the ceiling in thought. Coming back to Earth, she continued, “But it’s true. I wanted to see you. I hate that you don’t feel welcome here.”

An arm came around her then, pulling Rey into Ben’s side. “I’m here now and it’s been good so far.”

“It’s been five minutes.”

“Shush, you’ll jinx it. Now open the box.”

Rolling her eyes at his urgent tone, Rey slid the top of the box off only to be met with another box. More precisely, a box for jewelry. She wanted to make a snide comment that she’s not one of  _ those _ girls that fawns over jewels and precious metals. However, she has to admit that she is not the tomboy she once was and actually owns a jewelry box now as well as a makeup case. She no longer masked her enjoyment of feminine things. Setting the larger box aside, she focused on the velvety black box. Rey gasped as she opened it.

Running his fingers through his hair, Ben explained, “I, uh, saw it and thought about your struggles. It’s kind of a symbol that you’ve overcome them. Or, well, you know, continuing to overcome them.”

“It’s beautiful,” Rey whispered in awe. The box contained a gold chain that was broken up by the presence of a sword, as if the sword were part of the chain. “Will you help me put it on?”

“Yeah, sure.” He took the necklace from Rey, and turned to face her. As Ben moved in, Rey found her legs spreading to accommodate him, allowing him to come close. For a split second, Rey thought that might be weird but Ben didn’t say anything. He fiddled with the latch and, with a slight expression of victory, got it open. Stepping further into the space between her thighs, Ben leaned over her right shoulder to view the back of her neck. Rey could smell the rosemary and mint of his shampoo which made her mouth water. Ben’s arms came around her neck and Rey found her hands going to his waist. 

The rational side of Rey was desperate for Ben to say  _ something _ , to make it weird. However, Ben was so gentle in his touch that Rey felt heat pool in her belly again. She could feel his breath on her neck, just below her ear, as he worked the latch. Rey had abstained from touching herself and now she realized her mistake. Her body craved him now. Ben laughed and Rey had to fight to keep still. In a tone just above a whisper, he said, “These latches aren’t made for thick fingers like mine.”

Rey ducked her head onto his shoulder, feigning a laugh. It was too much. How many times had she imagined someone saying “mine” in her ear? Granted, these were very different circumstances.  _ What was that about his fingers? Thick, you say? _ Rey felt the weight of the necklace hang from her neck as Ben pulled back, already missing his breath below her ear. One of his hands landed on her thigh while the other slid from the back of her neck to the front. His thumb traced the edge of the sword. The thumb on her thigh started tracing small patterns into her leggings, causing her legs to feel like jelly. Catching her gaze, he said softly, “I’m proud of you, wildflower. And I’m happy you’re still here. Not only are you healing, but you helped me too. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“Hey, kids!” Han announced his arrival into the kitchen. Ben immediately stepped back from Rey as if caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Rey pulled back as well, not realizing that she was teetering on the edge in more ways than one. A terrifying thought occured to Rey just then: Ben didn’t make it weird because it wasn’t weird to him. He wanted to be that close and only the presence of their father made it inappropriate. It seemed that what they shared just then was private.

“Hi, Dad. Ben’s here!” Her voice was a bit too cheery for being 7 AM.  _ Reign it in, Rey. _

“I see that, sweetheart.” A soft smile appeared on Han’s face. “The smell of coffee woke me up. Please tell me you two didn’t drink it all.” 

“We haven’t even finished our first cup yet,” Ben chimed in.

“Good. You know, kid,” Han said, talking to Rey, “Ben used to put us all to shame with how much coffee he drank as a teenager.”

“Yeah, well, I have Ativan now to help me sleep. I don’t rely on caffeine so much these days.” Apprehension came over his eyes as Ben picked up his mug and took a sip.

Han blinked, then nodded. “Good. That’s good, son. I’m glad you found something that worked for you.” He walked around Ben to grab a mug and pour himself a cup. Fear turned to shock on Ben’s face. Their father’s acceptance of psychiatric meds was obviously new to him. Rey felt a stab of pain at that. It was honestly new to Rey too. When she first started taking them herself, her father had made several snide comments about everybody having a complex nowadays. She wondered if her father would have been outright hostile toward them in Ben’s teen years. 

After taking his first sip, Han asked, “You kids hungry? I could whip up some egg sandwiches.”

“Yeah, always,” Rey replied. “Just don’t use a ton of eggs. Mom’s making noodles later.”

“Ah, right.” Han winked at her. “I’d never hear the end of it.”

Rey laughed. “You absolutely would not.” Looking over, she saw that Ben smiled too. Her hope of this being a good day skyrocketed.

“You kids sit down. Better yet, go in the living room and start a movie.”

Looking to Ben with hopeful eyes, she saw him nod in agreement. Rey hopped off the counter, grabbed her cup, and tugged on his arm. “Come on. I’m sure Die Hard is on somewhere.”

“Die Hard is  _ not  _ a Christmas movie,” Ben argued as Rey led him to the living room.

“It is too. It takes place on Christmas.”

“Isaac Newton was born on Christmas. It doesn’t make him Jesus or Santa Claus.”

Stopping just short of the couch, Rey turned in a huff and countered with, “You realize that by arguing with me that I’ll just want to watch it more.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Ben retorted with a wicked smile. The innocent phrase went straight to her gut. It was a whole world of possibilities she hadn’t even imagined. An image of Ben on his knees, worshipping her like a goddess, rose up unbidden in Rey’s mind.  _ A girl could get used to that. _

Finding the remote on the coffee table, Rey dropped into the middle seat of the couch and turned the TV on. She pulled up Netflix first and started to search. Before she could find the “d” to finish “hard”, Ben’s hand shot out in front of her to snatch the remote but Rey moved away just in time. “Hey, asshole!”

“Let me see it!” Ben was leaning over, hand by her thigh with gleaming eyes and a crooked smile.

“No! I told you-oh!” He reached for the remote again and caught a hold of her wrist. “Damn you. No!” His hand seemed to engulf half of her upper arm but she wasn’t giving up. She wrenched her arm away and quickly shifted the remote to the other hand. His hand landed on the other side of her lap. Rey, in turn, dove to her side to scoot to the other end of the couch. She had just enough time to put the “d” on “hard” before strong hands wrapped around her knee and yanked her back towards the middle. Rey was like a floppy doll in his grip.  _ That’s more information filed away for later, _ Rey thought. Her shirt rode up as he pulled her closer to him, her legs in his lap, his arms reaching for the remote.

Rey planted one foot firmly on his gut and pushed, launching her back on the other end. Ben coughed up an “Oof!” and then growled. Rey had moved the cursor halfway to the search button before his warm, large hands were on her waist, stomach fluttering at the feel of a couple of fingers touching bare skin. Ben pulled her up into a sitting position and hugged her close to his side. Rey tried to hold the remote away from her, but Ben’s arms were longer. He easily snatched the remote from her, made the two clicks over to search, and clicked again. The first result was, indeed, Die Hard, and Ben selected it.

“You fucking asshole! Why didn’t you just let me do it?!”

Ben, with a shit-eating smirk, retorted, “I wanted to push the button. Ow! Shit!” Rey was furious and responded by elbowing him in the ribs. She went in for the second blow but was stopped by the sound of her father clearing his throat. 

Both the Solo children looked up to see that their father was standing a few feet away. “Don’t mind me, kids. I was just going to ask if you wanted bacon or sausage with your eggs.”

Looking at Ben, Rey saw that he was flushed from the tips of his ears to below the neckline of his sweater. Heat was licking her face as well, and also her waist where his fingers brushed her bare skin. “Both. Is both an option?” Rey asked breathily.

“I suppose so, kid,” Han laughed softly. “Now. Do I have to separate you two while I cook?”

“Nope,” Ben offered. He looped an arm around Rey’s shoulders and once again pulled her close. “Best friends. Right, Rey?”

“Besties forever, Dad!” Rey smiled a toothy grin at her father which caused him to laugh.

“Be careful with that one, son,” Han warned humorously. “You don’t want to end up like Poe Dameron.” Rey froze.

Squeezing her shoulder, Ben asked “What happened to him?”

“I-” Rey started but Han intervened.

“She punched him because he kissed her is what I heard.”

Enraged, Rey shot back, “Where did you even hear that? That’s not what happened. Why didn’t you ask me about it?”

Han looked pale now with wide eyes. Bringing a hand to the back of his neck, he replied, “I saw him the other day and we got to talking.” Rey deepened her scowl, but inside, she was quaking. “I, uh, better get started on the food then.”   


“I guess so,” Rey said pointedly. She watched her father head toward the kitchen, then turned her attention to the TV, only mildly paying attention. A tear worked its way down her cheek.

Once Han was in the kitchen, Ben turned to Rey. A thumb came up to brush away the tear. “Rey, I’m sorry,” Ben said quietly.

“What? Why?” Rey turned slightly to look up at him. His whiskey eyes glittered.

Looking down, he seemed to gather his thoughts. “I never liked that guy. Just from what you told me about him. That-” Ben paused to look over his shoulder. Then, in a whisper, “I don’t like that he’s buying alcohol for you and your friends.”

“I can’t believe you,” Rey snapped back. Her face turned away from his thumb. Anger was roiling under her skin. “I  _ know _ you weren’t a saint in your teen years.”

“Nope. Not at all,” he smiled gently, “and that’s why I don’t give you shit about it.”

“Thank you for that...I guess,” Rey huffed. Ben had never snitched to their parents and she doubted he would start now.

“Dad interrupted you. What were you going to say?” Ben’s hand drifted from her shoulder to her waist.

“Oh, um, I was going to explain what happened with Poe. I slapped him and his nose bled a single drop of blood. He’s such a fucking crybaby. We went on a date. He asked to kiss me and I said yes. I felt gross so I pushed him away. He got angry and I asked him to take me home. When we got here, he said that if I kept acting that way, I’d be a virgin forever. That’s when I slapped him.” As Rey finished, she noticed that Ben’s free hand had balled up into a fist.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Rey. I’ll fucking kill him.” His hand flexed and jaw worked.

“Oh my god. No.” Rey rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry about it. He hasn’t tried to talk to me since then.”

With darkened eyes, Ben countered with, “But apparently, he’s not above talking to Dad.”

“Oh my fucking god.” She rolled her eyes again and crossed her arms, determined to watch the movie.

Gently squeezing her waist, Ben spoke into her ear, “Men are trash. He’s probably just biding his time. Maybe get Dad on his side then try again. I don’t like him, Rey.”

“Fine. I’ll tell him to piss off the next time I see him. Now can we watch the movie, please?”

“Sure, wildflower.” Ben's hand left her waist and Rey barely suppressed a shiver. He reached behind them to grab the blanket that laid over the back of the couch and laid it over them. Rey sighed as his arm wrapped around her waist again. She pulled her feet underneath her and cradled herself into Ben’s side. If it was at all too intimate, Ben didn’t let on, even going to so far as to pull the blanket over them both.


	4. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey does mention her struggle with self-harm again. I didn't mark it because it's one sentence.
> 
> This chapter was beta'd by the lovely [Loveofescapism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveofEscapism/pseuds/LoveofEscapism).

Ben wasn’t sure what he’d find when he showed up at his parents’ house that morning. Rationally, he knew that Rey was nineteen and no longer the gangly, toothy kid he once knew. However, nothing could fully prepare him for the woman that greeted him at the door. She looked just like he imagined in his dreams, except taller. Her hair was less wavy than before and pulled back in a simple ponytail. She had only come up to his chest as a teen. Now, she barely had to look up to meet his eyes. Instead of a silvery nightgown, she wore a t-shirt and leggings.  _ God, did it have to be leggings?! _

His hands kept finding ways to touch her, touching her neck and thighs and waist. The necklace, a seemingly simple gesture, gleamed as it settled just above her breasts. His eye was repeatedly drawn to the sight. The sword pendant lay horizontally on her chest like a symbol of trust. He put a sword on her neck and she was trusting him not to sink the blade into her. He was also trusting her with a piece of him. If Rey knew the salacious thoughts he’d been having, she would probably aim that sword at his throat like his uncle did nearly twenty years ago.

Han was going to give Ben a heart attack with all his sneaking up on him and Rey. Ben was sure they didn’t look innocent in the kitchen, standing between her knees with his hand on her thigh. It seemed that his body called to hers, overriding his most basic sense of self-preservation. If Han only knew that Ben’s favorite flirtation was to play keepaway, his father would have surely beat his ass.

Rey was now curled up against his side. Ben hoped his heartbeat didn’t give him away. He remembered all the times he had Rachel or Judith pinned under him during that game and it led to...forgetting about the TV altogether. The thought of Rey squirming underneath him, breathless, with a wild, gleaming look in her eyes, made his cock stir. Thankfully, Bruce Willis’ face was there to save him.

“Food's ready!” Han called from the kitchen. The voice made Ben jump, making him wonder how much more his heart and body could take. Rey stirred underneath his arm. Her hand fell to his thigh as she sat up, causing words like  _ torture _ and  _ temptation _ to run through his mind.

“God, yes, food,” Rey moaned as she threw off the blanket to stand and head toward the kitchen. Pausing at the door, she looked back at him and asked, “Coming?”

His head jerked in her direction.  _ Coming? Oh! Right! The food. _ “Yeah. Sorry. Just absorbed in the movie.” Ben quickly paused the film to follow Rey into the kitchen. On the table were three steaming plates and three cups of coffee.

“I left a dozen eggs for your mother. I cooked up extra sausage and bacon to make up for it,” Han explained.

Rey glared at him as she sat down, obviously still a bit miffed from earlier. “Thanks, Dad,” she said flatly.

“You're welcome, kid.”

The three sat down and ate in silence for several minutes. Ben stole a glance at Rey who ate in barely constrained ferocity, balancing manners with feeding urgent hunger. He vaguely remembered a little toddler, who had many timeouts for eating with her hands. Ben never said anything, but he had always wanted to tell his mother to shove it when she fought with Rey over table manners. She was a finicky eater as a child and his mother's hand-wringing only made her more anxious.

“Ben? You gonna eat?” Rey prodded. He felt the pressure of her hand on his shoulder.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, sorry, just... memories.” Ben patted her hand. 

Taking his hand in hers, Rey asked, “Good memories?”

“Uh, yeah,” Ben lied. A quick glance into her eyes told him she didn't quite believe him but she only squeezed his hand and resumed eating.

Reluctantly, Ben picked up his fork and pawed at his eggs. He had never been a fan of scrambled eggs but he supposed they were easier for his dad to make. Not wanting to appear ungrateful, Ben speared a sausage and a bit of egg on his fork and brought it to his mouth.  _ Chew _ .  _ Swallow _ .  _ Don't rock the boat _ .

“So, Ben, are you still working at the same firm?” Han asked politely.

Swallowing another bite, Ben replied, “Yeah. First Order Consulting. They've been good to me. It's a grind but it pays decently well.”

“First Order, you say?” Han mused. “I think your mother has had some dealings with them in the past. Something about funneling money to overseas tax shelters, taking money out of the American economy.”

Ben’s grip on the fork shook as Han talked. Of course his mother wouldn’t approve of his choice of employer. “Well, as far as I can tell, they’re doing nothing illegal. I help keep their books, after all.”

Sitting back, Han smirked ever so slightly. “Well, you know your mother. I’m sure she wishes a lot of those tax laws were abolished.”

“I guess she has a point,” Ben conceded. “The average citizen can’t move around their assets like a corporation can. However, my company is very forthcoming when it comes to audits and reviews.” A hand patted his shoulder then, Rey’s hand.

“You want those laws taken out too, don’t you, Dad?” Rey asked, her brow furrowed.

“Of course I do, kid,” Han replied with a sigh. “But it was your mother’s job to worry about it. I just tried to keep my shop afloat.”

“Right,” Rey sighed, obviously not the answer she was looking for. Ben’s heart broke a little bit. Being ten years older gave him some perspective on Han, and Ben knew that he was usually off in his own world. His shop, his cars, and his tools. Han traveled with Leia during campaign season and said the right things when pressed but was always quick to get back to his garage. Ben reached over and lightly patted her shoulder. Rey continued eating but Ben saw the corner of her mouth turn up in response.

Ben pawed at his food, entirely too nervous to eat, as he still had to face his mother. The conversation with his father only heightening his anxiety.

“So, I think decided on Math as a major,” Rey announced. Ben dropped his fork again and Han merely peered up at his daughter.

“I thought you were going into Engineering?” Ben asked.

“That was my first pick but I don’t know that I’ll like it very much.”

“You could always drop everything and get your ASE certs,” Han offered.

“Dad!” Ben and Rey cried in unison.

“Stop it,” Han urged. “We all know college isn’t everything. Your mother didn’t even graduate and she did more than alright for herself and for us.” This was true. A few years before Ben was born, his adopted maternal grandfather, then senator of their home state, and his entire detail were killed in a terrorist attack. Leia, only twenty at the time, had taken over her father’s duties and had been re-elected every term since then.

“I just...really liked Calculus over Physics. I don’t have to decide right away.” Rey propped her head up on her open palm and poked at her food.

Placing a hand on her neck, Ben assured her, “I’m sure you’ll be great at whatever you choose to do.” Her cheeks flushed at that and, in turn, so did Ben’s.

Right then, all three heads turned at the sound of a floorboard creaking. His mother had finally come down to join them for breakfast. “Ben. You made it.” Surprise evident in her voice.

“I did.” Ben kept his tone even, as if he might spook a wild animal.

Leia stared at him for several seconds before shaking her head, blinking away some mysterious emotion that Ben couldn’t decipher. “I’m glad. Uh, the pasta maker is broken and I couldn’t find one in town. Would you mind helping me today?”

A quick glance at Rey told Ben that she was just as confused as he was. “Um, yeah, I’d be glad to help you.”

His mother smiled shyly. “I just hate rolling out dough by hand. My hands are a touch arthritic these days. When you’re done eating, we can get started.”

“Okay. That works.”

Han looked over his shoulder to chime in with, “There’s some food in the microwave for you, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, dear.” Leia walked over to kiss his cheek before retrieving her plate. For another ten, silent, and awkward minutes, they ate their breakfast.

Rey felt like the hold she had on her perfect day was slipping away inch by inch and soon there would be an avalanche. One wrong word would echo just right and it would all crash down upon her. She wished she could just have Ben all to herself. Sitting on the couch with him had been a dream. No awkward conversations about careers or school. She knew her choice of major would not be popular with her parents. Han wanted her to just be a mechanic which wouldn’t be a bad choice, but Rey really liked math. Leia hoped she would go into something more in line with politics or communications. Although Leia had long lost that battle, sometimes Rey felt that the decision still stung her mother. The great Organa political dynasty fizzling out with her estranged son and more technical-minded daughter.

Unlike Ben, Rey stuffed her breakfast down her gullet. She had always been somewhat of an emotional eater. It leveled off when she began cutting. With the addition of her meds, she didn’t do either. However, the tension was rising and Rey followed her instincts to eat while she could. Thankfully, she also liked running and intramural basketball, so it never really caught up with her.

However, Rey was also distracted by her mother’s insistence that the pasta maker was broken. She had just seen it last night and it was in perfect working order. That could only mean...her mother wanted to include Ben in the festivities. Warmth overtook her. Maybe the day wouldn’t be shitty after all.

Soon enough, the table was cleared with the dishes rinsed and put in the dishwasher. Leia grabbed the eggs from the fridge and instructed Ben to grab the flour from the cupboard. All the while, Rey watched them as she wiped down the table. Flour, eggs, baking powder, salt, and a rolling pin.

“Ben, did I ever show you how to make this?” Leia asked.

Rey watched Ben swallow nervously as he replied, “I, uh, think you tried once. A long time ago.”

Leia’s mouth hung open for a second before she choked down some unspoken reply. Instead, she simply nodded and opened the flour tin.

“There’s no measurement involved. Or even a bowl. You just add flour and eggs until it feels right. I start with a heaping pile of flour, a pinch of salt, and a pinch of baking powder.” Leia reached into the tin and dumped several handfuls of flour directly onto the table.

“Whoa!” Ben yelped, backing away from the table in a rush. Leia’s mouth hung open and Rey glared at him. With pinched eyes, he explained, “Sorry, this sweater is expensive. Dry clean only.” Leia nodded at her son. Rey quietly giggled, more out of anxiety than any humor in the situation. “Um, sorry, I’ll just, uh, take it off. It’s a bit warm in here anyway.” Rey didn’t miss how his eyes flickered to her right then. He grasped the him of his sweater and pulled up, revealing a wide strip of his toned abdomen. Unconsciously, Rey leaned toward him. She hoped that no disappointment showed on her face when Ben’s undershirt dropped down as his sweater came off. It was gray and form-fitting, revealing heavily defined pecs and shoulders. Rey mildly hoped her Christmas would be made by him shucking the t-shirt off as well but it was not to be. Under the table, Rey pinched herself as a warning to get it together as Ben set it on the counter and away from the mess.

Rey jumped up and walked over to the cupboards, looking for her aprons in a specific drawer. When she found one, she stood beside Ben and said, “This will keep your pants clean. Here.” Without asking for any sort of permission, Rey untangled the strings as she moved behind Ben. “Arms up,” she ordered and Ben obeyed. Reaching around to his front to grasp the apron, Rey immediately noticed how  _ massive  _ he was. Her nose and cheek made contact between his shoulder blades. She caught a quick whiff of his scent, clean with just a hint of musk. Her hands now shaky, Rey brought the apron strings back around to her side and quickly cinched it. Before she could question herself, her hands were sliding back across his hips to center the apron over his lap. Rey quickly stepped back to take her seat, pinching herself again.

Leia hummed a laugh. “You look very domestic right now, Ben”

Rey laughed in kind. “He does, doesn’t he?”

Ben’s only response was to flush a rose pink that spread to his ears.

Clapping her hands together, Leia started back in with the cooking lesson. “So we’ve got our flour poured out. Now a little bit of salt and baking powder. Salt is for flavor. The baking powder makes them puff up a bit in the pot.” In turn, Leia put about a teaspoon of each ingredient in the mix. “Then you make a well in the pile of flour to hold the eggs.” Leia lightly blended the salt and baking powder into the flour and then carved out a hole in the middle.

“Next, I add a couple eggs at a time and work them in to the flour.” Leia opened the carton of eggs and cracked three into the well. “I just use my hands. No bowls, or spoons, or mixers.” Her hands dipped into the slimy mess to break the yolks and catch the flour but she stopped only a few seconds later. “Actually, Ben, can you do this part too? The eggs are cold and my hands are already starting to ache. Rey can show you how it’s done.”

Ben seemed confused by all the attention but he obeyed their mother. “Um, okay, yeah. It seems easy enough.” Rey rose to stand beside him, ready to jump in if need be. Leia turned and walked over to the sink to wash off the egg and flour mess from her hands. Ben went to work, slowly adding flour to the egg, working it in with his hands. With only three eggs, it didn’t take long for them to be absorbed into the flour.

“I’ll add a couple more,” Rey offered quietly. She reached into the carton for three more eggs.

“You kids got this?” Leia’s voice came from behind them.

Ben’s eyes said, “Yes.” so Rey answered their mother in the affirmative.

“Oh good,” Leia praised. “This will be nice. Christmas put on by the kids.”

Another look at Ben and Rey concurred, “Yeah. Maybe we can make a tradition out of it.” Even as she said it, Rey knew that was never going to happen. By the look that ghosted Leia’s face, she must have thought so too. With nothing but a flat smile, Leia walked out to the living room to sit with her husband.

Turning to Ben, Rey asked, “My turn?” She pointed at the mess on the table.

“Go for it. Do you need an apron as well?” Ben offered. 

Heat flooded Rey at the thought of Ben’s hands on her hips. “No! No. These are old clothes. I don’t care if they get a bit of flour on them.”

“Oh really?” Ben quipped, with a wild look in his eye. Before she registered his tone, he was behind her. Gluten-covered hands came around and fisted her shirt. For a brief moment, his hands were flat on her belly, nearly covering her abdomen. Ben had her caged in against the table.

“God, you’re such an asshole!” Rey snapped.

“Yes, I am,” Ben chirped in her ear as he squeezed her gently in a hug.

“Well, at least you admit it. There’s room to improve” Rey chuckled and reached for three more eggs in the carton.

Stepping to the side, Ben retorted, “Improve on being an asshole?  _ Sure _ .”

“Haha, Mr. Dad Joke. Let me work.”

“That was not a dad joke,” Ben replied in mock horror.

“It totally was,  _ daddy _ .” Rey looked up at him with innocent eyes. However, his eyes were wide with shock. Like a car crash, she realized too late how her words sounded.  _ Ew. _ “Wow. Okay. I’m going to work this in now.” Ben coughed at that. “Oh my god, really?” Rey huffed.

“Sorry,” Ben replied sheepishly. Rey focused on the eggs and flour in front of her, definitely  _ not _ thinking about working any part of Ben into any part of her.

After all six eggs had been mixed in, Rey declared, “I think that should be enough. You’re turn again, Ben.” Grabbing the rolling pin, Rey jabbed it into his side.

“Ow!” Ben held his side as if he was bleeding out. With his other hand, he reached for the pin but Rey snatched it away. When he reached for it again, Rey ran to the other side of the table. Ben ran in the opposite direction to meet her on that side. Just as Rey turned around, Ben came up behind her. One of his arms wrapped around her while the other reached out for the rolling pin. In her ear, Rey heard, “You should know, wildflower, that I always win this game.” While his overall tone was whimsical, there was an edge there that couldn’t be missed.

“Is that a promise?” The question left her mouth without much thought. Ben’s arm was still around her waist and his chest solid at her back.  _ This is too much. Siblings do this, right? They play keep-a-way and rough-house. Rose and Paige did it all the time. _ Ben just laughed and took the rolling pin from her hand.

“Rey?” Ben called from across the table.

Jarred out of her thoughts, Rey answered, “Yes.” She turned to see that Ben had resumed his position, holding the large piece of wood.

“What do I actually do with this?” Ben asked with a shy smile.

Rey smiled in turn and walked back around the table. Grabbing a small handful of flour from the tin, she sprinkled it over the surface of the table and the ball of dough. “Put the flour down so it doesn’t stick. And then some on the dough too. Then you just...roll it out. It’s not rocket science.”

Ben glared at her as he started rolling but it melted into a look of concentration. The muscles in his arms bulged ever so slightly as he pushed and pulled the roller over the dough. The rhythmic to and fro of his entire body put Rey into a trance. A brief flash of a fantasy she has had since puberty of being bent over bounced to the surface and was quickly squashed down as the faceless man in every one of those fantasies had been replaced with Ben. Once again, Rey pinched herself.

“Flip the dough and turn ninety degrees. You want it to be vaguely square shaped.”

“Got it.” He quickly did as he was told.

“Put more flour down if it feels a bit sticky. I’m going to get the chicken stock boiling.”

Ben nodded and Rey went to work. The chicken was already cooked and chicken stock prepared. It just needed heating up. Ben would be done soon and it would be nice to just throw the noodles directly in the pot. The fire from the stove almost seemed cool in comparison to the tension she felt with her brother.  _ Therapy, Rey. First thing on Monday morning. No excuses! _

“Rey? How does this look?”

At his side once again, Rey pressed a fingernail into the dough. “A little bit more. I don’t need it paper thin but thin.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Ben humbly replied. Rey continued to watch him work for several more minutes.

Testing it one more time, Rey declared it was thin enough. “Now, we’re going to roll it up into a spiral and slice it.”

“Okay.”

Rey quickly procured a knife and a bowl for Ben. He rolled it up and took the knife from her to start slicing. “This is the fun part,” Rey declared with a grin. She took the slices, unwound them, and threw them in the bowl. With the noodles cut, Rey walked over and, making sure the water was boiling, dumped the bowl’s contents in. Large hands cupped her shoulders then. “It won’t take very long for them to cook. We should set the table.”

So they did. When the table was wiped down, plates, bowls, and silverware were arranged. Glasses came out and were filled with water. Napkins placed just so. With one last check on the noodles, Rey declared to Ben that lunch was ready. 

Without a word, Ben moved to the counter and slipped his t-shirt off. Rey’s foot hit a chair and the squeal it made echoed loudly. Rey froze.

“Rey? Are you okay?” Ben asked. He turned around to reveal his unclothed chest and abdomen. A thin sheen of sweat caused him to glisten just slightly.  _ Therapy. Monday. _

“Yeah,” she replied, shaking her head a bit. “I’m, uh, just going to go upstairs and change really quickly. Then we can eat.”

“Okay, don’t take too long, wildflower.” He smiled as he slipped on his sweater. Rey was already several steps up to the second floor by the time he got it on. She was determined not to pay attention to the way her thighs squeezed together on the way up.


End file.
